Best friends furever

I lost my best friend recently.

She was everything you could hope for in a BFF – loyal, funny, supportive, protective, opinionated and gave great hugs. She didn’t put up with nonsense and she protected her boundaries with great passion. She was always up for a chat and ready to listen to my woes – although admittedly we didn’t actually speak the same language. In fact we weren’t even the same species… but that never got in the way of our love and connection.

I miss Sparky’s furry (forever-frowning-and-judgemental) feline face every day. Our pets most certainly are family, and in fact, research shows that the grief of losing an animal friend is comparable to losing a human loved one. I’ve found it’s also a very isolating mourning experience. As Professor of Psychology Frank T. McAndrew wrote for TheConversation.com: “Unfortunately, there’s little in our cultural playbook – no grief rituals, no obituary in the local newspaper, no religious service – to help us get through the loss of a pet, which can make us feel more than a bit embarrassed to show too much public grief over our dead dogs.”

There’s a lot to be learned about life from our cat companions. Boundaries for one – know what you want and need and protect it at all costs (with a decisive chomp when necessary). Stand up for your beliefs and ask for what you want, even if it’s 2am. Especially if it’s 2am. Be yourself. Own your emotions. Love unapologetically – unless it’s someone you don’t deem worthy of your time. Stretch – it improves flexibility, relieves tension and helps when you need to slide off the bed backwards at any moment. Cuddles, pats, back scratches – all crucial. But consent is everything. And above all else, prioritise sleep.

Napping isn’t just resting, it’s rebellion and resistance. Or so says author Stewart ‘Brittlestar’  Reynolds in his book Lessons From Cats For Surviving Fascism. “Nothing terrifies a fascist more than someone who’s wide awake, well rested and ready to strike.” Knocking things over is also a trait we need to learn from cats, says Stewart, in his amusing but on-point words. “Fascists, for all their bluster, are remarkably bad at handling disruption. They thrive on order and predictability because their entire worldview is about forcing everyone to stay in their assigned seats. The moment you start toppling things – even metaphorical things – they’re thrown into a tailspin,” Stewart explains. “The beauty of strategic chaos is that it doesn’t have to be loud or destructive to be effective. Sometimes, all it takes is a small, deliberate act – a sticker on a statue, a satirical meme, a perfectly timed sign of defiance. Like a cat swiping a glass of water off the counter, you’re sending a message: This doesn’t belong here. And neither do you.”

The whole world lost a bestie recently too.

Nobody knew the capacity of an animal to love and learn – and teach – better than the gentle giant, Dr Jane Goodall. “You cannot share your life with a dog, or a cat, and not know perfectly well that animals have personalities and minds and feelings,” Jane said of our pet pals. But it was her groundbreaking discoveries of chimpanzees that altered how scientists differentiated between humanity and the rest of the animal kingdom. The world-renowned primatologist and anthropologist, who was initially told she was “just a girl” and “too pretty for science”, upended the scientific world, forever changing what was known about chimpanzees, from using tools, hunting and waging wars, to showing familial bonds and compassion – all thought to be exclusive human traits. An advocate for the dignity and well-being of all living things, Jane was a beacon of hope and inspiration for feminism, anti-racism, animal and human rights, gender equality, climate action, conservation and so much more, through grace, non-violence, and her persistent, yet gentle, nature.

We could do much worse than to carry on Jane’s legacy by embracing respect and tolerance for others, with fur or without. Whether we speak the same language, wear the same clothes or have the same beliefs, gender, colour, race or even species… we all belong here. (Except fascists. Not you. Not even sorry.) We were honoured to interview the late, great Jane in Issue 10 of Peppermint, back in 2013, and she told us – “Let us try to replace impatience and intolerance with understanding, compassion and love”. I’m sure Sparky would have given a meow of approval. At 2am, no doubt.

EXTRACT FROM PEPPERMINT ISSUE 64